


The Anchor

by maialec



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode 2x01 Predictions, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Parabatai Tracking, Why Did Alec Drop The Stele :), not too much though
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 02:23:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8232802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maialec/pseuds/maialec
Summary: He’d left the Institute almost half an hour ago and had been power walking without a clear destination in mind at first. It took him being two blocks away from Magnus's place to realize where he was going, his feet taking him there almost instinctively. To be fair to himself, he wasn't entirely sure why he was headed that way. He hadn't given Magnus a heads up, he didn't know if he was busy or if he was even home. All he knew was that he needed to take matters into his own hands in the search for Jace, and Izzy was most definitely not going to let him do what he had been thinking of doing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> As you've probably already guessed, this is inspired by the two [bts](https://65.media.tumblr.com/dce5a04699abbc31dc6086ddf20caf96/tumblr_oej64pFVm71qev72co1_540.jpg) [pics](https://66.media.tumblr.com/2f1babedbfa766db8f5f02def882a34b/tumblr_odj6q6eRqQ1qev72co1_r1_540.jpg) we got of Alec and Magnus because I had to. Title taken from 'The Anchor' by Bastille, a very beautiful song that is imo 100% Malec so I recommend you listen to it ;) Enjoy!

His legs were moving fast, the soles of his feet pressing on the pavement painfully and his knees almost giving out from the anxiety. The sound of his mother's voice was still loud in his ears making him close his eyes and clench his fists. He was shaking with rage, a tingling sensation running all the way down his spine. It wasn't the first time he felt like this after a fight with his mother, full of residual adrenaline and rage. He had talked back at her, having had enough of her incessant scolding and idiotic theories regarding the state of his parabatai's loyalty to their family. He'd told her he was tired. Tired of everyone who hadn't been there to witness Jace's departure doubting his motives, of his parents reproaching Alec for not doing everything in his power to get him back, for not being able to stop him from going through that portal in the first place, most likely never to be seen again. That last thought was enough to crank up his already increased heart rate. He too had had moments when he convinced himself that if he had been just a little faster, if he'd had time to think up a plan, he could've jumped at Valentine's throat and ended it then and there, simple as that. But he knew it wouldn't have been possible and it would've put the others in even more danger if he didn't succeed. Even so, it was hard not to let his parents' words get to him. He _had_ been letting them do that his whole life and even now, after everything that had happened at the wedding, he still found it hard to dismiss them.

He’d left the Institute almost half an hour ago and had been power walking without a clear destination in mind at first. It took him being two blocks away from Magnus's place to realize where he was going, his feet taking him there almost instinctively. To be fair to himself, he wasn't entirely sure why he was headed that way. He hadn't given Magnus a heads up, he didn't know if he was busy or if he was even home. All he knew was that he needed to take matters into his own hands in the search for Jace, and Izzy was most definitely not going to let him do what he had been thinking of doing. He hadn't even bothered to tell her, hell, he even tried to talk himself out of the idea, but it had been three days since Jace left and they weren't making any progress. At this point it was all or nothing and the fight with his mother just reinstated his thoughts and made him even more determined to prove to her that he was capable of solving problems by his own accords. And maybe a part of him also wanted to just see Magnus.

He thought that the walk would ease his nerves and the fresh air would calm him down, but when he got to Magnus's door his hands were still shaking, his index and middle fingers tapping his thumb alternatively as if trying to create a rhythm that would soothe him, but to no avail. He took a deep breath as a last resort to settle down his heartbeat and knocked twice.

He hadn't seen Magnus since he woke up Jocelyn and for a second he started to doubt his decision to come here without warning, considering the nature of their last conversation. Though he's done it more times than he could count throughout his life, he hated leaving things half said, especially when it came to Magnus. In the time they've know each other, there had been so many instances where he wanted to say more, where he wanted to open up and give, but didn't, and he still couldn't wrap his mind around _why. Why_ was he always so willing to let down his guard in Magnus's presence? _Why_ did he feel the need to explain himself in front of him? _Why_ did he care so much about what Magnus thought of him? And, most importantly, _why_ did he care so much about Magnus and his well being even after only a mere few days of knowing each other? At least he had some idea of why he cared about him at this point in time, and that, paired with thoughts about the uncertainty of their future, of there even being a _them_ in the future, scared him to no end.

He was deciding between knocking again or just leaving, after a full minute of inactivity on the other end, when the door finally opened to a sight he didn't think he would get to witness this soon.

His eyes landed unconsciously on Magnus's face, dark eyes emphasized by even darker eyeshadow, cheeks dusted with faint traces of glitter, and his _mouth_. His mouth was open and Alec realized that Magnus was panting. It was then that his gaze dropped lower, reaching his chest and it took his brain longer than considered normal to register the fact that Magnus was only wearing a pair of black sweatpants, a look Alec had never seen on him, but that fit him just as well as his extravagant shirts and tailored suits. He knew Magnus was strong and he'd noticed through some of his tighter shirts that his arms were probably bigger than his own, so it hadn't seemed too far fetched that Magnus would be working out regularly and keeping in shape. But actually seeing that shape, glistening from sweat, his chest rising rhythmically with each breath, was something entirely different that Alec hadn't been prepared for. He must have been standing there for minutes just staring, mouth probably open, but, as it turned out, it had only been a few seconds before he heard Magnus say his name in a surprised, but not displeased tone.

'Alexander, is everything okay?' he asked and stepped aside to let Alec in.

'I'm sorry I didn't call first, I should have,' he said, averting his gaze and willing it to stop anywhere but on Magnus's chest.

'No, it's fine, I was just finished with my workout. Let me go grab a shirt,' and with that he disappeared down a hallway, leaving Alec to stare into space.

He decided that the room was too hot for his liking all of a sudden. Or maybe his face was burning as a result of Magnus's state of undress. Either way, he stepped out on the balcony to get some air, put some order in his thoughts and figure out what he was even going to say. He hadn't even noticed that since he left the Institute the sun had already started setting, the last traces of it barely visible behind skyscrapers and obscured by the twinkling of the city lights. He heard faint footsteps behind him and turned around to see Magnus, now wearing a sleeveless grey hoodie that didn't do a good job at covering him up, but a very good one at accentuating his arms; arms that Alec imagined could lift him up with little effort and push him against the nearest wall while kissing him senseless. His previous efforts to breathe normally again dissolved with that image and he mentally chastised himself for thinking it at a time like this.

'What happened?' he asked as he approached the railing, worry evident both in his gentle tone and the furrow of his eyebrows. Somehow he was always able to read Alec like an open book and sense when something was wrong and that didn't make him feel vulnerable, but, on the contrary, safe. That had probably been the basis of why Alec even ended up coming to him in the first place.

'I just wanted to see you.' His answer surprised the both of them enough for Magnus's mouth to curve in a soft smile and for a blush to surface on Alec's neck. 'I had a fight with my mother,' he added with a sigh. 'Again.' He looked out at the skyline, the feeling of defeat creeping up on him once more.

'What did she say this time?' Magnus inquired carefully.

 

_'As much as you wish, you can't protect everybody, Alec. Especially not the ones who are willing to betray you in return.’_

_'Are you that narrow minded that you would even insinuate the fact that Jace, our Jace, would go rogue?'_

_'I'm only stating the facts based on evidence that I've been shown.'_

_'No, what you're doing is making assumptions when you weren't even there. Jace left with Valentine to protect us!'_

_'Be it as you say. Why haven't we heard anything from him? I would hope that the reason he tagged along was to infiltrate Valentine's army and send back information that would help us stop him before he does any more damage.'_

_'How exactly do you expect him to do that? I doubt Valentine left him a pen and paper to write correspondence to his loved ones and send it via pigeon mail. We have no idea where they are!'_

_'And why is that, Alec? It's been days, a capable team of Shadowhunters would have tracked him down by now.'_

_'You know what? You're right. Go get someone else to find him. Or better yet, do it yourself, if you think we can't handle it.'_

_'I'm done fighting with you, mother. I'm tired of answering to you and listening to your delusional accusations. I'm taking matters into my own hands and I'm going to fix this, without your help.'_

_'Like you did with the wedding?'_

 

‘That we’re not capable enough since we haven’t found him already. That _I_ am not capable enough,’ he closed his eyes at that. Her words had stung and it hadn’t been the first time, but he thought he would get used to it by now. ‘And that’s not even the worst of it, Magnus. She thinks Jace betrayed us,’ he scoffed. ‘How could she possibly believe that?’ he turned to look at Magnus again and his facial expression was unreadable.

'I'm sure she didn't mean that,' he said eventually. 'She raised him and loves him like her own flesh and blood. It must be the stress speaking,' he tried, but Alec could see that he didn't quite believe those words.

'Even if that was the case, the audacity to insinuate Jace would-', his voice cracked and he looked down, thoughts of what his parabatai might be going through as they spoke, how scared he must be, going back to his abusive father after all these years and having God knows what ideas drilled into his head again. His heart had been breaking into little pieces with each passing day they didn't succeed in tracking him down, feeling helpless and defeated, and most of all, feeling like he'd failed Jace, the possibility of that being unbearable.

'Alexander, you, I and everyone else who was there know that Jace was protecting his family, that he wouldn't have left if he'd had any other choice, and that's all that matters. Whatever other people say is white noise,' Magnus explained, searching for Alec's gaze. When he was unsuccessful, he took a chance and slowly, almost tentatively placed his hand on top of Alec's on the railing, not moving it at first, expecting him to retreat his own. When he didn't, Magnus started rubbing it gently with his thumb in a reassuring gesture as he spoke again. 'I will help you find him, no matter what it takes,' he promised, putting emphasis on the last words and Alec finally raised his gaze, looking for any hint of doubt in Magnus's words. When all he was met with were genuine eyes that bored into him with an intensity enough to make his skin flush, he willed himself to give a small smile, his heart skipping a beat when he got the same reaction from Magnus.

He remembered then what his plan had been since the moment Jace stepped through that portal, and, as scared as he was, he had to try, and he could only hope that Magnus would support his decision.

'I want to try tracking him through our parabatai bond,' he found himself blurting out and the surprised look on Magnus's face did nothing to change his mind. 'And, before you say anything, I know it's dangerous, especially given the weakened state of our bond, but it's my only option right now. I have nothing to lose,' he stated, insecurity audible in his voice.

'Except your life. Or Jace's,' Magnus said matter-of-factly and gently squeezed his hand. 'Alec, this is suicide, I can't let you do this,' he continued, quieter this time, like even mentioning the possibility of Alec getting hurt or, worse, losing his life was so intolerable he couldn't bring himself to even say it out loud.

'Please, Magnus, I don't know what else to do,' he begged and took Magnus's hand in his as if to steady himself, to have at least something certain to cling on to. 'I can't wait any longer or who knows what might happen to him and I can't-', he found himself at a loss for words for the second time that night. 'Please,' he whispered with even more desperation than before. He didn't know what he was asking of him. Help? Permission? Why would he need Magnus's permission? All he knew was that he didn't think he could go through with this if he didn't have his support.

Magnus sighed enough to rid of all the air in his lungs and looked away, seeming to weigh the idea in his head.

'I can help you with my magic to make the process less painful, but I can't control what happens to your bond,' he eventually said and looked Alec in the eye again. 'But on one condition.'

'Name it,' Alec said in a faint, but hopeful tone.

'If you feel like you're going too far or you feel that your bond _will_ break if you keep going, you have to tell me and we will stop,' he uttered every word carefully, like talking to a child, and yet there was no trace of condescension in his voice.

'You have my word,' he promised and squeezed his hand back as a sign of gratitude.

Magnus nodded with a frown and started moving away towards the door to his living room, reluctant to let go of his hand. He gestured for Alec to follow him and lie down on the couch and Alec did as he was told, but not before he shrugged off his jacket and his shirt, grabbing the stele from his pocket. He could tell how hesitant Magnus was since he didn't make any coquettish remarks at the sight of his bare chest like he had in the past. He stood behind the couch, hands hovering over Alec's frame and waiting for his cue.

Alec took his stele and started drawing over his parabatai rune, the burning sensation already even worse than the time Hodge did it a few weeks before. It was clear to him that it wasn't going to be long until the pain would be insufferable and he would have to stop if he didn't want to permanently damage their bond. Still, he grimaced through the discomfort as he could feel the calloused skin of his rune throbbing from the pressure and that's when, through half closed eyes, he saw blue sparks coming out of Magnus's hands, fingers moving fluidly to soothe him, but to no avail, as the burning sensation was unlike anything he'd felt before in all the years of drawing runes on his body. He tried to concentrate, to think of Jace and getting to him, but it only caused him a headache. He closed his eyes again as he drew a second line and could hear Magnus's magic shoot up, engulfing his entire torso, this time having a greater effect in subduing his pain. He threw his head back, temples pulsating, sweat trickling down his face, and tried to think of Jace again. For a while, all he saw was black, and then...

 

_'Alec!'_

 

'Jace!' he screamed in pain as he saw a pair of blue eyes staring at him, but was unable to read any emotion in them. It was then that a pang that felt like someone stabbed him shot through his rune, causing him to drop the stele.

'Stop! We need to stop!' he managed to screech through gritted teeth and he could hear Magnus move from his previous spot behind the couch to sit beside him on his knees. His hands were closer to his stomach now, sending healing flames through his skin and making most of the pain go away.

'Alexander, your rune is bleeding,' he heard Magnus say in a hushed voice and he finally opened his eyes. His vision was blurry, but he could make out Magnus's profile, brows furrowed in concern as he opened up a small jar that he must have summoned at some point during Alec's haze and applied a cold, rich substance to his skin before placing a white bandage on it, careful not to press too hard.

'This isn't gonna do miracles, but it will help with the bleeding and the pain,' Magnus mumbled and looked up at him in defeat.

Alec tried moving to a half sitting position while rubbing at his temples with his right hand. He sighed, too exhausted to utter a coherent sentence. His rune wasn't throbbing anymore, but the spot felt hollow, like getting an appendectomy and feeling a void where the organ used to be.

'I saw him, Magnus,' he eventually breathed out. 'His eyes at least. I was so close,' he whispered staring into space, barely able to admit his failure, like it would physically hurt him if he did.

Magnus sighed and got to his feet, sitting on the couch and guiding Alec to put his head on his lap. He obliged without a second thought and closed his eyes in an attempt to calm his nerves, but he found it futile. There was no chance he would ever feel at ease again until they found Jace. And they would; he had to believe that or he would go mad.

'Maybe my mother is right. I'm incapable,' Alec muttered, his eyes still shut.

He hated thinking back on her words, but it was second nature. No matter how wrong he thought she was, he would always seek her approval, if not that, at least her understanding. He couldn't bring himself to look Magnus in the eyes, fearing he would see pity. He did ultimately open them when he felt Magnus's hands caressing his head while pulling a few strands of hair away from his forehead. The gesture was new for them, but felt oddly familiar and it managed to release some of the tension. He was certain he could fall asleep then and there if it wasn't for Magnus's soft voice pulling him out of his thoughts.

'Alexander, look at me,' he urged, and when Alec did, he continued. 'You are the bravest man I know.' He wanted to scoff at that, but found himself transfixed by Magnus's gaze. 'You were willing to risk your life to find Jace, knowing full well the damage it could have done to both of you, and yet you went through with it,' he sighed and the expression on his face was similar to the one he'd had earlier that night, when Alec had told him what he wanted to do: troubled, seeming to consider the worst outcome and having it bring him a great deal of pain. 'You didn't show weakness by stopping before it was too late. You showed rationality. You knew it would do more damage than good to go on, and that proves you're wiser than you give yourself credit for,' he ended with an affectionate yet sad smile on his lips.

'I don’t know,' he spoke eventually after a pause. 'It's just hard not to take her words to heart, you know?'

'She's your mother, you will always seek her approval, it's normal,' Magnus stated, the smile not leaving his mouth.

The simple fact that Magnus seemed to read his thoughts was enough to make Alec beam up at him. It was staggering how drastically he could change his mood, his mere presence and words clearing his head and making everything fall into place. He was fully aware that Magnus must be extremely stressed out himself, with Valentine threatening to eradicate all Downworlders, having to establish or reinforce alliances with the other species, and, on top of all that, grieving the recent loss of his own best friend, the situation couldn’t be easy for him either. And yet, he was still there for Alec, with all that he could, and it baffled him; it probably always would. For the first time that day he felt something other than dejection and hurt. He felt grateful; to have Magnus in his life, to get to be around him, even if what they had, what the could have, was new and fragile and they still had a lot to sort out.

He rose slowly from his position, turning to be eye level with Magnus. He reached out with the hand he wasn't leaning on and cupped his cheek, slow, tentative, afraid of messing up, but finding reassurance in the content expression on Magnus's face. He moved close enough to feel his breath against his own cheek.

'Thank you,' he whispered in the minute space between their mouths, finding it impossibly hard to keep eye contact and not stare at Magnus's soft lips. 'I know you’re going through so much yourself. I-I don't know what would've happened if you weren't here. So, thank you,' he finished in a hushed voice.

'I will always be here for you, Alec, no questions asked,' he promised. His serious tone as well as the use of the short version of Alec's name reassured and scared him at the same time, but reinstated the fact that Magnus was sincere, as if he'd ever been anything other than that with him.

‘So will I,’ and with that Alec closed the space between them and pressed an open mouthed kiss to Magnus's lips, finding a slow and steady pace immediately, a kiss to banish any lingering insecurities they'd had since their last conversation at the Institute. He hoped this kiss would let Magnus know, without further words, that he was there for him, that he would make up for all the times Magnus helped him without a second’s hesitation, for helping free him of a captive life. He was willing to try, even if the future was unpredictable, even if neither knew what this would mean to both of them in the long run.

When he pulled away, they were both smiling, and Alec couldn't help but peck his lips once more before he resumed his spot on Magnus's lap, this time feeling a little less unnerved and a little more relaxed. Magnus started running his fingers through his hair rhythmically, and for that moment in time, Alec tried to forget everything weighing on his mind and enjoy the stillness of the loft, the distant sounds of the city outside the window and, slowly but surely, drift away to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> They weren't supposed to kiss at first, but then I changed my mind, of course they had to kiss. Thank you for reading! Comments and constructive criticism are more than welcome! You can also find me on [tumblr](http://maialec.tumblr.com/) ❤


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